Butthurt Naruto
by Parody No Jutsu
Summary: Poor young Naruto is beaten by a mob and unlocks a power unlike any other.


**Parody No Jutsu: Hey guys this is my new parody story!**

**Naruto (Whispering to himself): This will probably suck…**

**Parody No Jutsu: What's this? A character talking to me! Isn't this situation hysterical? **

**Crowd: NO!**

**Parody No Jutsu (Crying anime tears): You don't know shit. By doing this AN I get the feeling that I'm not a loser who dreams of talking to manga characters.**

**Naruto: S'okay man. **

**Parody No Jutsu (Wiping tears away): You're right, now here's one of the many Taylor Swift songs that people love to put in stories.**

**Naruto (Taking out gun and pointing it at Parody No Justu (hysterical I know XD)): Do NOT dare.**

**Parody No Jutsu: Well here's the parody.**

**Butthurt Naruto!**

**Chapter One**

A young Naruto walked through the Konoha streets with heavy feet. He kept on switching his gaze from the people staring at him and the ground.

"Why are they looking at me like that?" He asked himself with a frown, "This beginning is so overused that a parody writer might have to use it for a few stories in a row. Oh, why must my life be so tough."

The young Naruto was walking to school, already late for his miserable class because he had overslept on his miserable bed, which was in his miserable apartment, in his miserable block, in his miserable village. Yes, his life was miserable.

"Hello Naruto, what are you doing in my office?"

Naruto broke out of his thoughts, for some unknown reason not noticing he walked about fifty blocks, entered a building, went up a set of stairs and finally entered the Hokage's office, where Hiruzen Sarutobi sat behind his desk.

"Hey _JIJI_! I know I've never called you that but, what's up old man? My birthday is tomorrow. Are you gonna be there?"

The Third Hokage looked down in shame, "I am sorry Naruto but I, the most powerful man in the village cannot take ten minutes to visit you, much less protect you from the spontaneous crowds that will chase and beat you."

"Dammit!" he cursed before an idea struck him, "Wait, can't I just stay here? I know I'm supposed to get knocked the fuck out but why can't I, portrayed a lot more mature than I am, just stay here? Or with Iruka? Or have an ANBU take care of me?"

"Do NOT attempt to bring reason into this," the Third Hokage roared, "Where would the drama be then?"

* * *

Yup, it happened.

Naruto lay on a pool of his own blood, severely beaten after having been cornered by a group of old drunk villagers that where capable of, not only keeping up with him without so much as a stumble, but of thinking of a rational plan to corner the young five-year-old.

"_**Hey Kit, guess what?"**_

He groaned in response.

"_**Well, I was digging around here and ran into this weird power… Long story short, I pulled this shit out of my ass so that you can use it to become the most powerful being in existence."**_

"Is it some kind of bloodline?"

"_**Of course it is, how else am I supposed to turn you into Sasuke yet at the same time hating on the actual character. Anyway, this new power is called…"**_

Naruto's eyes widened as he heard the name of the bloodline, just the name spoke of a incredible power and little characterization.

_The Garystugan._

* * *

_**10 years later -**_

Naruto liked to think that his life was a bit better than most. Not only had he gained godly power at the age of five but he had also leveled his first village a year later. It wasn't long until he left Konoha for six years only to return in order to fulfill some angsty solo mission. The Third Hokage saw it fit to give him the incredibly tough mission to join Team 7 for no reason at all.

At least he had found and killed Orochimaru, the Akatsuki, Tobi and Madara before hitting the age of fourteen. He was also glad to turn into the splitting image of his father despite the very obvious jawline and cheekbone differences.

Now he was a humble teen close to sixteen. He was the richest person in Konoha after claiming an unknown fortune from his late father and had found an old letter from him laying around, he believed his father was the kind of person that didn't give a fuck judging by how he took the time to write a letter while the village was being crushed.

"Well, I have to get home to fuck my bitches!" He declared, while feeling his member pulsating to life against his ankle.

To think he had ended up with his long time crush, Sakura… and Hinata, Ino, Tenten, Temari, Karin, Fu, Anko, Tayuya, Konan, Ayame, Karui, Shion, Amaru, Hana, Tsume, Tsunade, and anyone else he had forgotten.

* * *

**Meh, just a little something to get me to start writing again. **

**It's been a while since I last had the time to sit down and write something, I plan on continuing Super Cliche Naruto and plan on starting a new parody soon. So yeah, that's pretty much it.**


End file.
